Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize