im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize