I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
