Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
