I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
