I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
