How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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