she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
