I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
