Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
