So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
