His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
