my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
