I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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