I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize