i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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