I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
