I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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