At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
