Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
