I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
