Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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