the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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