Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
