I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
