420 ftw
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
