Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
