Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
