why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
