she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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