Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
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