your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
