She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
