you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
