You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
