He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
