why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
