its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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