I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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