Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
