plz talk dirty to me
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Randomize
