There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Two words: blizzard sex
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
