After last night, I could never be a politician.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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