he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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