Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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