maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
