I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
