yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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