she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
