when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
