Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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