Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
