I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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