I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My bed smells like the plague
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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