I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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