when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
