She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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