seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
