Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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