I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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