Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
