I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
