dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
