If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
