He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
