If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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