Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
