someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
