I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
