Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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