its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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