My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
