No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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