i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
