There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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