There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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