I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
