Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
