Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
