I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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