Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
