whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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