My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sorry about my life...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
