Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
