Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
