My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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