The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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