Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's shark week go big or go home
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
