i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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